i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
then he tried to convert me to islam
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
my liver is dry heaving
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
