Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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