feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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