from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
