He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
