i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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