i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
