the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
