I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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