You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
