I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
