I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
