I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
