I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
