I hate your face
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
