Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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