I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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