I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He shit in the fireplace
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
