Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
