I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
