This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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