A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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