In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
