I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
