um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
