i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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