It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
