Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
