It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
