Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
