i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
