I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
