dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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