I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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