Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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