I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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