Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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