that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i barfeds in our rink
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
