I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
