i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
