eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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