drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
