i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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