First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
