Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
