Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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