my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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