I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
