If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
