I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize