whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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