I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He better not be in your backpack
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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